


Got Out Alive

by DashFlintceschi



Series: Illnesses/Disabilities Alphabet Challenge [16]
Category: Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: Dan's worried, M/M, Nicholls uses a bit of tough love, Oli wants to help him, Tom has PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 05:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1846648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFlintceschi/pseuds/DashFlintceschi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the YMAS boys join Tom and BMTH in a secluded cabin in the Scottish Highlands, Dan immediately realises there's something wrong with Tom. But how is he supposed to help, when Tom won't talk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Got Out Alive

**Author's Note:**

> P is for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This was actually the first one on the list that I finished, but I wanted to post them as close to alphabetical order as possible, so I held it back until I got the rest of them done.

When the You Me At Six boys finish touring, they’re worn out and done with everything, so they jump at Jordan’s offer to join them at the large, secluded cabin they’re renting in the Scottish Highlands while they write their next album. The thought of peace and quiet in the middle of nowhere with their best friends sounds amazing, and though he won’t admit it to anyone but Matt, Dan can’t wait to see Tom again. He’s had the biggest crush on the quiet, eccentric photographer pretty much since he met him, but he’s never been able to get up the guts to do anything about it.

When they pull up the short driveway to the cabin, they find Tom outside, taking photos of just about everything. They’re all a bit surprised to see the wide-eyed, almost scared look he’s giving them. They were under the impression that Jordan had told everyone they were coming. As soon as they come to a stop, Dan clambers out and strides towards Tom as quickly as he can get away with. He’s glad to see the scared look on Tom’s face melt away when he sees Dan.

Tom seems to decide he has enough photos, and follows them into the cabin, where his brother and their friends are sitting in the living room. They all quickly fall into easy conversation, but Dan notices that Tom seems to be even quieter than usual. He sits between Oli and Max, and doesn’t say a word the whole night, just quietly watching everyone, smiling slightly at a joke every now and again, fingers gently rubbing at his left wrist and forearm almost constantly. Finally, around eleven, he stands up, rubbing his temple and swaying slightly. He mumbles something about a migraine, and feeling dizzy, then staggers along the hall towards the bedrooms. Dan watches him go worriedly, then turns to Oli.

“What’s going on with him? Something’s not right,” he asks, and Oli shrugs with a sad sigh.

“I have no idea, he’s been like that for weeks now, but he won’t talk to me. I’ve tried everything, but he won’t open up, and he won’t let me do anything to try and help him,” he laments, and though the conversation goes back to normal at that point, all of them are quietly worrying.

Tom wakes up screaming three times during the night, waking those in the rooms closest to him, too. They try their best to help him, but again, he won’t talk, so all any of them can do is watch worriedly as Oli holds his sobbing, trembling brother and murmurs to him soothingly until he calms down enough to sleep again.

After the third time, about half five in the morning, once Tom’s drifted off again, Oli, Dan, Matt and Nicholls don’t bother going back to bed. They sit around the kitchen table, nursing tea and trying to figure out how to get Tom to let them help him. Two hours later, they haven’t come up with much, when Tom comes wandering in, the sheets from his bed and the pyjamas he’d worn to bed balled up in his hands. He tries to edge around them, practically pressed against the wall. Oli’s about to ask him what’s wrong, when all of them realise what’s going on at the exact same time, when the smell of ammonia hits them.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it happens,” is all Oli says, trying to ease the humiliated look on Tom’s face, but all he does is shrug, refusing to look at any of them as he slinks away to the utility room to shove the evidence into the washing machine.

He’s just started the machine, when Dan comes into the room and closes the door.

“He’s right, y’know, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone wets the bed now and again,” he tries to reassure him, but again, Tom just shrugs, refusing to acknowledge it. He tries to duck around Dan and leave, but Dan reaches out and touches his arm to stop him. “Oli thinks you have PTSD, but none of us can think of anything that could’ve happened that would affect you that much,” he continues, desperate for Tom to say something, anything, to him. 

“I’m fine,” he mutters hoarsely, but when he pushes past Dan, he finds the other three standing just outside the door, looking unimpressed.

“No, you bloody well aren’t, and I’m not putting up with this anymore. Oli’s worrying himself to death over you, and you just don’t care, you selfish bastard. Well, I’m ending it now. Tell us what the fuck is going on with you, or I swear to god, I’ll beat it out of you,” Nicholls snarls, and all of them are shocked when Tom flinches hard, hunching over himself and cowering away.

Dan gently grips Tom’s sides and steers him over to the kitchen table. They all sit around him, Oli pulling his chair over so close, his leg is pressed against Tom’s. It takes a while of reassurances and gentle coaxing, before Tom finally talks.

“I got caught in the middle of two gangs fighting a few months ago, once they realised I wasn’t with either of them, they stopped fighting each other and turned on me. It… I… I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he stumbles out in a haunted whisper, and they know Oli was right. Tom’s been struggling with Post Traumatic Stress all on his own.

“Did they hurt you? You keep rubbing your arm as if it hurts,” Oli asks, and Tom shakes his head.

“The doctor says that’s psychosomatic. The PTSD’s got me so stressed, my brain’s inventing pain,” he explains softly, and Dan gets his hopes up slightly.

“So, you’ve been to a doctor, then?” He asks, and Tom nods.

“None of the shit he gave me works, though. He keeps saying the only thing that’ll work completely is therapy, but… I can’t,” Oli squeezes his hand understandingly.

“Alright, but as soon as you’re ready to talk about even the tiniest thing, you come and talk to one of us. It might only be a little at a time, but it’ll help,” he insists, and Tom nods without argument.

Tom disappears back into his room after that, emerging again an hour later, clean shaven, hair still damp from the shower, wearing a heavy jacket, loose jeans and surprisingly well-worn hiking boots. He announces that he’s going for a walk in the woods surrounding the cabin, then heads out the door. He’s barely out the door, when he hears Dan shout his name. He quickly agrees to wait for Dan to get dressed, then they head along the dirt path into the woods together.

They wander along in silence for a while, just enjoying the quiet and each other’s company. A twig snaps behind them, and Tom whimpers, grabbing Dan’s hand and squeezing tight. They both look over their shoulders, Tom with just a bit more trepidation, but they both sigh in relief as a deer darts across the path behind them and disappears into the trees again. Tom laughs softly in relief, then realises that his hand is still gripping Dan’s, and he lets go, blushing darkly.

“Hey, nothing to be embarrassed about, if it helps, then…” Dan trails off, holding out his hand for Tom to take again. He does gladly, still blushing as they start walking again, Dan gently swinging their joined hands.

After half an hour of comfortable silence, Dan decides to bite the bullet, thinking it may make Tom feel a little better.

“Y’know, I’ve fancied the hell out of you basically since I met you,” he admits quietly, watching Tom’s expression change, his eyes going wide. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, just continues staring at the ground in front of them and swinging their hands, but Dan knows Tom likes to think about what he says before he says it, so he waits patiently, looking around at the wildlife surrounding them and letting Tom have as long as he needs. Finally, Tom squeezes Dan’s hand, and he looks back at him.

“I feel the same way, but I’ve been so… Angry lately, just… Constantly full of so much rage. What if I hurt you?” He admits softly, and Dan stops walking and pulls him into a hug.

“You won’t. I know you, no matter how angry you are, you’d never hurt me, or anyone. What’s making you angry?” He asks softly, resting his chin on the top of Tom’s head and swaying slightly. Tom sighs, burying his face in Dan’s shoulder and holding him tighter.

“I’m angry at myself, for letting it happen, for not being able to defend myself, for the few days I was angry at Oli for not being there, and for how bloody scared I am all the time now; I’m angry at the guys that attacked me, they had no reason to, I didn’t know any of them, I wasn’t going to say anything to anyone; I’m angry at Oli, less so now, for constantly badgering me to talk to him, and I know it’s irrational, but I’m angry at him for not being able to help me with this; and sometimes, I’m angry for absolutely no reason at all.”

They stand in silence for a few moments, holding each other tightly and swaying as Dan thinks over what he’s going to say.

“It’s perfectly understandable. No-one would blame you if you flew off the handle every now and again, considering what you went through. If you ever need to get it out, I’ll happily volunteer to let you scream at me as much as you want, alright?” Tom laughs softly and nods.

“As long as you’re alright with it, I think it might help,” he agrees, and Dan grins, moving away and taking Tom’s hand again as they start walking again.

Tom does end up hurting Dan that night, though not intentionally. They’re sharing Tom’s bed, as Dan had thought that having a warm, comforting presence beside him might chase away Tom’s nightmares. He’s wrong, though, and when Tom starts screaming, Dan sits up and starts shaking him awake. Unfortunately for Dan, he doesn’t turn a light on, so when Tom wakes up, it’s to a dark shape hovering over him, and in his fear, his first instinct is to punch the shape as hard as he can.

Dan groans in pain and rolls away from him, just as Oli throws the door open and switches the light on. Being able to see calms Tom down considerably, and guilt floods him as he looks over at Dan, still lying on his back and groaning slightly as he presses his hand to the left side of his jaw. Before Tom can say anything, though, Dan laughs slightly.

“I’ll admit, that was my own fault, but Jesus, you’ve got one hell of a right hook on you,” he laughs, and Tom smiles weakly, glancing up at his worried brother.

“You ok?” Oli asks softly, and Tom nods. “Want to talk about it?” He offers, and Tom shakes his head.

“Not really anything to talk about, just flashbacks, same as every night,” he informs him, and Oli nods.

“If you change your mind, you know where I am,” he tells him, then, with one last worried glance, leaves him in Dan’s care.

They have a few more incidents like that, but now that Dan’s gotten Tom talking, he starts slowly improving. When the album’s been written, they head home, and Dan unofficially moves in with Tom, spending more and more nights each week at his flat, until he realises he hasn’t actually been near his own flat in three weeks, and when he mentions it to Tom, he just laughs.

“Then give the bloody thing up and move the rest of your stuff here,” is all he says, and that’s how they end up living together officially. 

For a long time, Tom’s too scared to go out on his own, which usually isn’t a problem, Dan’s happy to go with him, until he gets the flu, and they run out of milk. Dan tries encouraging him weakly between vomiting spells, but when Tom comes close to having a panic attack, Dan realises that Tom’s nowhere near as ready to take that step as Dan thought he was. Dan quickly calms Tom down, then phones Josh, explaining the situation and begging him to bring over some milk, which he happily does. 

Once Dan gets over the flu, he starts working on helping Tom feel comfortable with going out on his own. He doesn’t think he’s making much progress, until a few weeks later, when he stumbles into the kitchen, barely awake, and finds Tom standing there, staring blankly at a plastic bag on the counter.

“You alright, love?” He asks softly, touching Tom’s back.

“I wanted toast, but the bread had gone mouldy, so I… I went to the shop,” he tells him shakily, and in his half asleep state, it takes a minute before it hits him. When it does, he grabs Tom and kisses him hard, telling him over and over how proud he is of him.

After that, Tom finds it much easier to go out on his own, though he refuses to at night, not that anyone can blame him. He continues refusing to talk to a professional, but he doesn’t seem to need it. He talks about what he went through, and how he feels, with Dan and Oli almost every day, and just getting it out, just having them there to listen and comfort him if he needs it, is more than enough to help him. He knows he’ll probably never feel the same as he did before, that he’ll probably always be a little scared, but for now, the rage is gone, the nightmares are gone, he has Dan, and he’s happy, and that’s more than enough for Tom.


End file.
